last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
