In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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