so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
