Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
