hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
