I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
