she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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