My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
