Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
