I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
