Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize