Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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