i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize