I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
