I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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