I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
