My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
