I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
