the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Welp...herpes.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize