How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
