Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
