The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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