Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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