You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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