Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
