about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
