Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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