Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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