I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Are we still banned from the library?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
