well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
