i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize