What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
