the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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