i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
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