jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
