I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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