You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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