my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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