Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Vodka?
Forever.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
