he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
