Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize