Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
