Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
