Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize