it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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