this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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