If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He felt like a one man threesome
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
