Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
