So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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