I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize