Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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