I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
