you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Randomize
