Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
