He passed out mid-signature
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
