i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
