i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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