Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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