You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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