one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
