I haven't been this sober since birth.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
