i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
