oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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