OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Betty ford says i'm here all night
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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