Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
