You don't have asthma, your pregnant
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
