Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
