My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
