He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
