Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
