3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
