Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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