I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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