I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
