So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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