Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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