Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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