I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize