Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
And then he peed in my hair
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