You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
