don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
