My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize