He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize