Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
