I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
