I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
