people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
