I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
