I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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