I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
