Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
