Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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