Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
