Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
These tits shall not be calmed
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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