Nicole vs. Life
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize