Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
