I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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