He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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