your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
